lizx4boys

A Bereaved Mother's blog

Exhaustion

I never imagined there is a level of exhaustion that is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. 

Exhaustion in my bones

Exhaustion I can’t catch up on

Exhaustion 8 hours of sleep doesn’t even put a dent in

Exhaustion that gives new meaning to the word exhaustion for me. 

When my kids where young I used to say I could have an” all nighter” (sick kids up all night) if I had 30 days of rest.  If I had 30 days of good sleep I could miss a full night and not miss a beat, but I was in my 30’s.

I never imagined I could be knocked to my knees to the point of complete exhaustion. Complete and utter physical exhaustion.

I realize that the last 6 months of my life have been exhausting, but when do I start to feel “not tired”.

I’ve tried coffee, and I can get my brain moving, but not my body.  I can’t get motivated to start exercising again, I just want to stay in bed as long as possible. 

I realize it will take a long time to adjust to my life without Richard, and the stress of this tragedy and transition to my new life is taking its toll on me.  I just never imagined anyone could get to this point, and still function.

I look at people now and think about what they are suffering, and are they living through something that is putting them in place of exhaustion?  I was blissfully unaware of the pain in the world, and the toll it takes on you physically.  Unfortunately I now am experiencing this, I would give anything to go back in time prior to August 30,2011, to remember what it feels like to be happy, healthy and well-slept again. I miss my son.

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2 responses to “Exhaustion

  1. Indian Homemaker March 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    I feel more brain tired than physically tired. Now it’s better but still I forget a lot of little day to day things …specially what had happened just before and after she died. We had moved house a month after my daughter died and there was a wedding in the family a few months later, I offered my daughter’s brocade corsets to a niece and realised all my festive saris couldn’t be found. I looked everywhere, visited my mom’s house and went through the stuff I had sent there – unpacked everything and finally accepted that maybe it was symbolic, the one who would have loved to use them was not there, I didn’t care if they were lost. And then months later we were in a mall and I saw plastic storage boxes and remembered I had bought one two months before my daughter’s death and I had packed all my silk and brocade saris etc in it. I haven’t taken it down, it’s in the loft, but I can’t imagine how I completely forgot the entire buying, packing and storing…

  2. ninaemalcomb June 25, 2012 at 1:55 am

    My other kids get tired of me being tired all the time. Grief seems to take so much energy.

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