My anger two weeks after his death written 9/12/11

Tonight will be two weeks since he’s fallen, I miss him so much.  The sound of his voice, the feel of his skin.  I want him to come home and say “Don’t worry Mom”, which is what he always said to me.  I never worried about him, he was so responsible about everything.  I’ve never lost sleep over Richard.

How could this happen?  We are the most responsible people in the world, and yet even after all of our discipline our wonderful, careful boy does something stupid.

I’m so MAD at him, ANGRY…how could he be so careless with his life? 

Does he realized what he has done?  He would have been successful at anything he chose.  He would have been a great husband and father who would given us beautiful grandchildren.

I am just so ANGRY, because I’ve been cheated out of my life’s hopes and dreams.  I will never meet my red-headed granddaughter or grandson. I won’t go to his college graduation, his wedding, my grandchildren’s baptism. Why would his put his life at risk like this? WHY?  I will ask this question over and over for the rest of my life.